I think I've officially annoyed the shit out of my mother. For the past three days, I've been playing a song called Nell'Acqua at full volume on the iMac (which is in the dining room). I'm rather fond of the song, but she's looking at me like "Seriously?" It's an Italian song by Rezophonic (which is a group of artists, including Cristina Scabbia, who got together and started a project to help Africa get clean water), and it has quite the entertaining beat to it. Mom hates it. I'm in love with it.

I laid down for a nap at about 2:30, 3pm yesterday...and woke up at about 11 this morning. I think my sleeping schedule is back together now. HOWEVER...I had another damn straight dream. Why the hell am I having straight dreams? I do NOT like men, but even the part of me in the dream who KNEW it was a dream liked this guy. It went from him chasing me through the mall to us hanging out in some room. Yes, there was some sexual stuff, obviously (I wouldn't be so alarmed if there wasn't), and my subconscious seemed to be OKAY with it. I don't get it. Because I know I'm not fond of men, at all, period.

I hate my brain.

SO!! I'm halfway to finalizing my first full length song on Garage Band. Which will be on http://www.myspace.com/yours1truly so be sure to add that to myspace if you haven't already. I'll post the link again when it's up, so anyone reading can give a listen. I'm rather proud of this one. My vocal style is different from what I've been practicing, and I've found all sorts of distortion effects that make it sound really interesting. I just need to record the last verse of vocals, put the music together, mix, and run through a final check. I'm proud of it.

Suppose that's all for now. Just figured I'd update, so I keep a continuous cycle with this damn journal. Love to all. Okay, most. You know who you are. And if you don't know, then you are most likely not one of them. I know. I'm a bitch. xxx

Jessica

Nell'Acqua by Rezophonic

My motto this year is officially "Fuck the world, I'll do what I want, when I want." I'm tired of getting held back. I'm tired of people telling me I can't do it. Can't I? I've turned into one of the most motivated people I know. If I want it bad enough, I'll have it.

You're probably wondering what the hell I'm going on about. Don't worry about it. It's nothing you need to worry yourself over.

But anyway. Hi.

It's been forever since I've decided to post here, and I'm not entirely sure why. Suppose I forgot. Which is odd, considering I used to post in here almost every day. But I'm back now, hopefully for good this time, and having accomplished a lot of the things I wanted to accomplish before.

1. I traveled out of state to a Lacuna Coil show. I went to Atlanta, met an online friend, and rocked out with my one of my two favorite female rock stars.

2. I went to a Lacuna Coil acoustic. Which pretty much made my life.

3. I've officially had my first kiss. I know, world ending revelation, right? But it has happened, and I'm satisfied with it. I guess you could say I've had two kisses, because it was the same person twice. (What? You really thought I was going to tell you who it was? Suckers.)

4. I've actually gone back to a movie theater. Three times! I've seen The Box, 2012, and The Fourth Kind. I do miss seeing movies in theaters.

5. I HAVE A LIFE. Which does not involve sitting in front of the computer at all random hours and doing absolutely nothing. It feels great to actually say that, because as much as I love my online friends, I love getting out of the house and actually doing stuff.

Now, ready for the stuff I have yet to accomplish?

1. Graduating high school. Go figure.
2. Going to an Emilie Autumn show (DECEMBER 6TH!!!!)
3. Getting a job.
4. Traveling out of the country.
5. Moving out of my mother's apartment.

The list is very long, so I'll stop there.

I DO have plans to travel, however. Either to Manchester in January, or Italy in March. Don't ask why, I'll sound like a fangirl. But if you're reading this, and you live around me, there IS something you can do to help...

If you have change/bottles you don't want, I'll take them.
Go to each of the links posted below, hit "I Like It", and I get money!

http://authspot.com/lyrics/twisting-veins/
http://writinghood.com/writing/nanowrimo-national-novel-writing-month/
http://authspot.com/poetry/friday-at-sunrise/
http://authspot.com/poetry/dwell-2/
http://authspot.com/poetry/imaginary-4/
http://authspot.com/poetry/trigger-2/

But yes, that's the basics of what you lovely readers have missed.
So why don't YOU tell ME what you've been up to?
Horns up!

Jessica

P.S. Can you believe it's almost Thanksgiving? Then it'll be Christmas!! O.O

P.P.S. THIS VIDEO OWNS!!! This is what I'm talking about, people. Ten year old refuses to stand up for pledge of allegiance till Gays/Lesbians get gay rights.

“I eventually, very solemnly, with a little bit of malice in my voice, said, ‘Ma’am, with all due respect you can go jump off a bridge.’” <---YEAH BABY!!!

I've always considered film to be a rather large part of my life. Because of film, I became attached to fantasy. Because of film, I picked up a book, and therefore became hooked so hard on educating myself that I lost track of my responsibilities in everything else. Film was my sanctuary. It was the one thing I wanted to lose myself in completely, to live in and not have to worry about being uncomfortable.

And then the petition started. Roman Polanski, film producer, writer, director, actor, was arrested recently for his rape of a thirteen year old girl. He admitted having done this. And a petition to free him was created.

This man lives the life I yearn for. Film producer, writer, director, actor. He ruined this life when he raped a thirteen year old girl, and of course he would be arrested for something like this.

And while film is my sanctuary, my way of life...I do not believe it needs to be put above the law.

Just because you are involved in film, does not make you alien. You won awards, you are a respected artist, well, that's great. But if you commit a crime, you pay the price.

I've never been flat out raped, but I've been harrassed. I have friends who were raped. Family.

I'm set to go to film school next year. Am I going to get drug into that way of life? Am I going to start believing that film comes before morals?

A lot of celebrities/filmmakers I admire deeply signed this petition. A petition to release a rapist, why? Because he makes decent films?

What honestly makes you think he won't repeat his actions?

I've lost my faith in certain aspects of the film world, and in the idols that signed this petition. My respect level has dropped. And I literally feel like half the world has been ripped away from me. I was drug unwillingly into the film world, and the same is happening with the music world -- why do I allow these things to happen?

They all prove to fail me in the end.

There's three, actually. The first is OTEP, which turned out to be fucking amazing for the very reason of being front row center, and having the woman leaning over me and screaming her heart out. The opening bands were Walls of Jericho, Killing Time, and Ill Nino. We missed Walls of Jerico and Killing Time, but we made it for Ill Nino. Someone in the crowd kept yelling that he was bleeding and wanted a "real pit" (um, hello, if you're bleeding, you got a real pit dear). So the lead of Ill Nino got his mic and said "If I were you, I wouldn't be talking shit out there." Then started the next song. Needless to say, the guy got his ass kicked, and that was my first REAL rough show.

The second was Music as a Weapon IV, with Chimara, Lacuna Coil, Killswitch Engage, and Disturbed. I hate Chimara, but Lacuna Coil is my favorite band, and Killswitch Engage called for the Wall of Death (split a crowd down the middle and have them run at each other on count). It was the first time I had ever seen that, and to be sitting above main floor and seeing it was amazing. Disturbed is one of the best bands I've ever seen live, period.

The third was Lacuna Coil's headlining show. They put on an amazing performance. They don't even have mic stands, because they're ALL OVER the stage. Opening for them were Domin (I swear they were a goth Hanson, but they ended up being good), Seventh Void (EWWWW), and Kill Hannah. Kill Hannah ended up being pretty freakin' amazing.

It's been a while since I've posted in here. It's been a while since I've wanted to post here. My ADD is getting worse; I can't concentrate on anything for long periods of time. It makes my head hurt too much. I won't say things are going bad, but they definitely aren't going as smoothly as I hoped.

I'll start with the good stuff.

I've enrolled in a semi-home schooling program which allows me to work either by myself, with my mentor, or with my lab group to obtain the high school credits I need. I have lab twice a week for an hour (ooooh boy is it in the ghettooooo), and the rest of it I can do at home. My home visit from my mentor is next week; I get my equipment directly after that. They're giving me a free iMac and internet connection (in which has to be set up in a central part of the house...they won't let me have it in my room. fuckers.), a free Canon digital camera, and a free printer. If I'm with them for a year, then I can keep all of it. They apply personal interests to everything, which is one thing I'll be discussing with my mentor. The student/mentor ratio is 6:1, so I'll definitely have no issues getting help if I need it.

AND its accredited, so I'll be getting a legit high school diploma.

I'm actively seeking work again. No choice. Mom gave me until October 15th to either get a job or get my net and phone shut off (she doesn't realize that Westwood is giving me free net MWAHAHAHA). I really need a new phone anyway. I lost the back at City Club. So the battery is taped inside. That's ghetto lesson number two.

I'm rewriting the end of Obsidian Egypt. It was just...bleh. Made no sense. I'm also working on the notes for a new screenplay, and I have about 700 words of a storyline that very well could turn into another novel. That'll make it what, four? Obsidian Egypt, Queen and Chaos, Virus, and this new one...yep. Five if you count Makalia's story, but I don't, cause I haven't started that yet, and probably won't until I roleplay her younger years.

I'm very seriously considering moving to Atlanta when I graduate until I can afford Full Sail. I'm so sick of Michigan. I love everyone, I do, but I can't take it here anymore. One of the main things stopping me though is that I'll move down there, then mom'll be right behind me. And then grandma will follow. I hate to say it, but it defeats the whole purpose that way. I'm starting to feel like I need to get the hell out of the nest. I just don't know how I'd survive. I'd need like three jobs and no social life.

Found some new bands I like. Nocturne -- you'll never guess who the lead singer is. Ever seen Rock of Love: Charm School? Know Lacey Conner? The redheaded bitch? Yeah. That's her. But you know what? Her music is fucking amazing. That show had to be publicity, because no one that STUPID could seriously write like this. She's screamy "FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING FUCK!" Gah I love it. Genitorturers is cool too, but there's only a few songs I like. I didn't realize I Touch Myself was by them until I was on their myspace. -ignorant moment-

Oh, and Lacuna Coil is two weeks from tomorrow. And I may not be able to fucking go. Because my fucking ride cancelled on me. Can anyone say, fuck my life?

Hmm...I think that's it? Probably not, but its 5:17am and I've just fucked up my sleeping schedule again. Have a song. You know you missed it. Its a Trance song, with Sharon Den Adel from Within Temptation. Its pretty. I'm impressed that a gothic rock singer did Trance too =)

-goes to pass out-

Armin van Buuren feat Sharon Den Adel -- In And Out of Love

I'm starting to hate this bitch.

LOS ANGELES, Calif. -- Megan Fox starred in the biggest movie of the summer, the Michael Bay-directed "Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen," but according to the actress, the director almost killed her and co-star Shia LaBeouf with his "Napoleon" and "Hitler" tendencies.

The box office bombshell unleashed on Bay in an interview with Britain's Wonderland magazine in its September/October issue.

And Megan's comparisons don't stop with just the 19th century dictator.

"He wants to be like Hitler on his sets, and he is. So he's a nightmare to work for but when you get him away from set, and he's not in director mode, I kind of really enjoy his personality because he's so awkward, so hopelessly awkward," Megan continued. "He has no social skills at all. And it's endearing to watch him. He's vulnerable and fragile in real life and then on set he's a tyrant."

And according to Megan, Bay pushes his actors to the almost breaking point while filming.
"Shia and I almost die when we make a 'Transformers' movie," she told the mag. "He has you do some really insane things that insurance would never let you do."

However, Megan isn't the first Hollywood star to bite the hand that helped make them into a household name.

I met Cristina Scabbia AND Otep Shamaya, who happen to be my two heroes. Lacuna Coil is coming back to Michigan for TWO shows (my mother is trying to make me choose which I want to go to >.< Bish) in September/October. Emilie Autumn is going to be in Illinois in November (?), in which I'm sure Jon, Emma, Michelle, and myself are driving to. And then in December, if I go to Atlanta, I get to meet Chelsea, a close roleplay friend of mine who happens to play my character's ex husband.

So why the hell do I feel like something's missing?

Maybe its the lack of creative energy. I've been so tired. Staying up all night doesn't help...and I keep doing it often. I didn't sleep for 30 hours before the Otep show. And I've been awake since 2pm yesterday. It is now 5:53pm.

Maybe its all the roleplay drama getting to me. It DOES get exhausting, no matter how big of a drama whore I can be...

http://www.amazon.com/Rezophonic/dp/B000F1HF02/ref=wl_it_dp?ie=UTF8&coliid=I1HDY61S4S6HME&colid=122Z43RCGFQP4


I'll love you forever. Its pricey, but I want it so bad I can't stand myself.

I am moved by the voice of inspiration
the soul of the rhythm
the rhapsody
the invigorating noise
to fool me would be to fool a God
and you just don't want that now do you?
there is always a way
when you just don't give a damn
and the world is at a standstill around you
I am in love with the mirror
though I envy the reflection staring back at me
the last words won't come from you
when my deception surfaces in your voice

How do I escape the reality of obsession
the elegant sway of an Italian walk
in silk and three inch heels to match
the facade of indifference has disappeared
what is it you are really after?
the talent for music
the quick acquire of money
or the simple ability to remain real?
the elegant sway of an Italian walk
in silk and three inch heels to match
I will never know that sway
but I will keep it
my surreal memorabilia

This video fucking WINS XD
I'll have info on the concert when I have more battery :D

Get out of my mind
I don't need your protection
The threat of insecurity
I don't need your wasted words
My desire for the unattainable
Get out of my mind
I don't want your disguises
The excuse for me to hide
My fear of the end